i cut myself not because i want to die.
i cut myself because its the only pain i can control.
the only pain i can control that you can't take away and control for me.
thats why i cut myself. i want to live..but i don't know if i want to live with you anymore.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Military Wife's Prayer
At night when I crawl into bed,
My lonely pillow 'neath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
"God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.
It's kinda hard to be alone and
teach the kids when they're half grown,
without the strength of a father's hand
to guide them in this troubled land.
So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God please will you let him know,
How much we love and miss him so.
And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
and I close my eyes so very tight,
so I won't cry again tonight,
and whisper to the evening air,
"Good night my darling way over there"
My lonely pillow 'neath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
"God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.
It's kinda hard to be alone and
teach the kids when they're half grown,
without the strength of a father's hand
to guide them in this troubled land.
So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God please will you let him know,
How much we love and miss him so.
And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
and I close my eyes so very tight,
so I won't cry again tonight,
and whisper to the evening air,
"Good night my darling way over there"
Friday, April 30, 2010
Fishy!
i was just sitting here thinking of the movie finding nemo and dang does that move have some good life lessons..
Marlin: How do you know that nothing bad won't happen?
Dory: I don't.
Dory reallly opened Marlin up to be a real adventure...and to just trust your insticts and not....trust your gut...
<3 oh disney you've done it again.
Marlin: How do you know that nothing bad won't happen?
Dory: I don't.
Dory reallly opened Marlin up to be a real adventure...and to just trust your insticts and not....trust your gut...
<3 oh disney you've done it again.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
My Biggest Heroes
Family is more than just blood; family is friendship, love, hate desire and fear. Family can be; broken promises and loved memories. Certain people can be family such as; best friends, pets, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles. These are a few of what i feel complete my family and complete me.
My mom and dad are the greatest parents a girl could ask for. My mom is always there for me, i know i could call and wake her up at two in the morning crying over a boy and she'd be right there by my side all night while i cry. She's the one who will hold my hair back when i'm puking, and take care of me when i'm running a high fever; my mom is the best mother ever. Then there is my daddy, he's the one i go to if i need a hug, or would like to just lay my head down on his knee while he plays with my hair putting me asleep. Sure hes annoying when he wakes me up singing, but i wouldn't want anyone to wake me up that way. Both my mom and dad are loving and caring. They show me what a husband and wife means.
My grandparents; i only have one left, but i'm going to talk about my grandpa first. I loved him more than anyone in the world, and i still do to this day. My grandpa died when i was in fifth grade and it was the hardest time in my life for me. When my grandpa died my grandma would tell me not to cry, so i'd only cry behind closed doors alone; i felt like i needed to be strong for everyone else. My grandpa was a funny, hard working man. When they gave him a shot to shut down his body he wasn't coherent anymore, but when i kissed him and hugged him goodbye while holding his hand, he squeezed my hand one last time, and i knew i needed to be at ease and let him go. My grandpa was the one who could always make me laugh when i was crying, he'd call me Peter Rabbit; he was the one who told me to cut my own hair the day before my first day of kindergarten; and i still have pictures. I'll always be grandpas little girl, and i Love him so much, every day more than the last. He did leave his wife of fifty plus years behind and she now lives in a little mother in law quarters behind my parents house so they can take care of her better. WE all have hard days with her; shes stubborn and hard to get along with. I love my grandma no matter how many times i tell everyone how crazy she is, and i know s he loves me the same; even though there are days where its hard to believe that. She's always been a hard worker and i admire her strength of what she's been through in her life.
This is where i could write about my brother, and sister-in-law, or even my favorite cousins and maybe even my kitty cat; but i've saved this for one very important person in my life. My husband, i've never had someone like him in my life. We have fights and we have laughs but bet of all we have love for each other. WE love each other unconditionally; we understand each other, care for each other and want the best for each other. It was a rough start but i couldn't give up on him and i'm glad i didnt. He is my best friend, my biggest hero, fighting for my freedom, he is my American Soldier.
So as my writing proves, family just isn't people you're related to, or people that are alive. There the people that impact your life the most, the ones that you care about most, the ones that love you the most. Sure i could have written about tons of other people in my family, but these people i've written about have made the greatest impact in my life, the ones that are burned into my memory, the one that leave one day due to illness, or a lost cause, the memories of them will be burned into my brain. I love these people; more than a fat kid loves cake.
My mom and dad are the greatest parents a girl could ask for. My mom is always there for me, i know i could call and wake her up at two in the morning crying over a boy and she'd be right there by my side all night while i cry. She's the one who will hold my hair back when i'm puking, and take care of me when i'm running a high fever; my mom is the best mother ever. Then there is my daddy, he's the one i go to if i need a hug, or would like to just lay my head down on his knee while he plays with my hair putting me asleep. Sure hes annoying when he wakes me up singing, but i wouldn't want anyone to wake me up that way. Both my mom and dad are loving and caring. They show me what a husband and wife means.
My grandparents; i only have one left, but i'm going to talk about my grandpa first. I loved him more than anyone in the world, and i still do to this day. My grandpa died when i was in fifth grade and it was the hardest time in my life for me. When my grandpa died my grandma would tell me not to cry, so i'd only cry behind closed doors alone; i felt like i needed to be strong for everyone else. My grandpa was a funny, hard working man. When they gave him a shot to shut down his body he wasn't coherent anymore, but when i kissed him and hugged him goodbye while holding his hand, he squeezed my hand one last time, and i knew i needed to be at ease and let him go. My grandpa was the one who could always make me laugh when i was crying, he'd call me Peter Rabbit; he was the one who told me to cut my own hair the day before my first day of kindergarten; and i still have pictures. I'll always be grandpas little girl, and i Love him so much, every day more than the last. He did leave his wife of fifty plus years behind and she now lives in a little mother in law quarters behind my parents house so they can take care of her better. WE all have hard days with her; shes stubborn and hard to get along with. I love my grandma no matter how many times i tell everyone how crazy she is, and i know s he loves me the same; even though there are days where its hard to believe that. She's always been a hard worker and i admire her strength of what she's been through in her life.
This is where i could write about my brother, and sister-in-law, or even my favorite cousins and maybe even my kitty cat; but i've saved this for one very important person in my life. My husband, i've never had someone like him in my life. We have fights and we have laughs but bet of all we have love for each other. WE love each other unconditionally; we understand each other, care for each other and want the best for each other. It was a rough start but i couldn't give up on him and i'm glad i didnt. He is my best friend, my biggest hero, fighting for my freedom, he is my American Soldier.
So as my writing proves, family just isn't people you're related to, or people that are alive. There the people that impact your life the most, the ones that you care about most, the ones that love you the most. Sure i could have written about tons of other people in my family, but these people i've written about have made the greatest impact in my life, the ones that are burned into my memory, the one that leave one day due to illness, or a lost cause, the memories of them will be burned into my brain. I love these people; more than a fat kid loves cake.
THE LETTER
This is a letter i wrote logan when we first started hanging out & i was trying to win him over haha.
Logan.
I love how you always have something funny to say. I love how you squirm when you see blood in a movie. I love the way when you laugh and call me a goober face when i'm being totally ridiculous. I love that after i spend time with you i can still smell you on my clothes. ANd i love that you are the last person i think of before i go to sleep at night, and the first one i think of when i wake up. And its not because i'm lonely, or because i want someone in my life, i'm saying this right now beecause when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
-Love Always
Stephanie
Logan.
I love how you always have something funny to say. I love how you squirm when you see blood in a movie. I love the way when you laugh and call me a goober face when i'm being totally ridiculous. I love that after i spend time with you i can still smell you on my clothes. ANd i love that you are the last person i think of before i go to sleep at night, and the first one i think of when i wake up. And its not because i'm lonely, or because i want someone in my life, i'm saying this right now beecause when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
-Love Always
Stephanie
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Humble Pie
So tonight i found out that i will only have to wait a couple months not 6 months to go see logan! woo freaking hoo. that made me so happy. i didn't want to be without him for 6 months. we had an amazing conversation tonight on the phone..i swear he knows how to make my day go from 0 to 10 its amazing.
I remember the first night he kissed me and i knew from that moment on that he was the one i wanted to be with for the rest of my life...i had never had a kiss effect me like that...i'm so blessed to have him as my husband.
I remember the first night he kissed me and i knew from that moment on that he was the one i wanted to be with for the rest of my life...i had never had a kiss effect me like that...i'm so blessed to have him as my husband.
MOVIE REVIEW
Now as for the title of my blog. "Humble Pie" it was a movie i just watched. Also just found it out it was just renamed that...and use to be called "American Fork" intereseting.
And personally i liked it. i give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5.
Its about a young adult male..probably in his early 20s, who is working at a grocery store and is just trying to live his life and ammount to something...he is over weight, and his boss rewards him with a pair of tickets to go see a play where he sees this actor Truman Hope (played by one of the baldwins , which you can really tell but he was amazing) Tracy the young man played by Hubble Palmer did an amazing job at his part as a lost guy, wanting to be good, he goes and starts acting classes that are held by Truman Hope because seeing his play changed his life...when he tries to hang out with Truman, he gets let down and stops his acting..during all of this he befriends some high schoolers who are just using him, but in his mind he feels like he can save them from destruction...his only friend is his sister & his mom is horrible to him because he reminds her of his father...i'd love to tell more but you'll have to watch the movie if it sounds interesting...i personally enjoyed it.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Bad Night.
Hello.
Just found out that i might not be able to join my husband for the first 6 months of him being in Germany...lets hope thats not the case.
i'm feeling really sick tonight so that is all i'm going to write.
Just found out that i might not be able to join my husband for the first 6 months of him being in Germany...lets hope thats not the case.
i'm feeling really sick tonight so that is all i'm going to write.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Far From Ready.
So I am so ready for my husband to come home! 23 days and its way too long.
i think about him constantly, and i'm ready for him to be done with boot camp, so he can come home and we can move to Germany.
I have so much to do though before he comes home.
1. i need my passport.
the army has helped our marriage so much, that and God. I didn't think itd last and i was so scared, but our love is stronger than ever, and it feels amazing. He treats me so good, i get all fuzzy with the things he says to me. he has become such a great man while at boot camp...and he loves me so much more now than he did when he left. i'm so blessed!
23 days *Sigh* i guess i can stick it out...its already been 3 months.....i miss him so much...it was so good seeing him on family day a week ago...i slept so good in his arms...can't wait to do it again...till next time.
<3 one proud wife
Stephanie Kelley
i think about him constantly, and i'm ready for him to be done with boot camp, so he can come home and we can move to Germany.
I have so much to do though before he comes home.
1. i need my passport.
the army has helped our marriage so much, that and God. I didn't think itd last and i was so scared, but our love is stronger than ever, and it feels amazing. He treats me so good, i get all fuzzy with the things he says to me. he has become such a great man while at boot camp...and he loves me so much more now than he did when he left. i'm so blessed!
23 days *Sigh* i guess i can stick it out...its already been 3 months.....i miss him so much...it was so good seeing him on family day a week ago...i slept so good in his arms...can't wait to do it again...till next time.
<3 one proud wife
Stephanie Kelley
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